Pressure to Perform Perfectly
When I was new to serving Master, I knew what the
things Master was going to want me to do. He wanted
me to be of domestic service - clean and cook but also
organize his house. So I did just that. And then
there came a time of needing things to be perfect. I
set a standard for myself that meant everything had to
be perfect. I felt that I had to do everything
perfectly of in order to serve Master. That nothing
could be out of place, that there could not be a speck
of dust anywhere. And when it wasn't I would beat up
on myself. Wondering to myself what is wrong with me.
Why can't I be a good slave? I would go to lengths of
knocking myself out and not only making myself very
tired and drained but emotionally exhausted to for all
the pressure on me.
I had been telling myself I needed things to be perfect because that is what Master relies on me to do. Punishing myself for my not making it to the standards I have set is part of taking care of Master's property for him. Demanding that things needed to be perfect because that is what he wants and needs.
So let me read those above sentences again. Why was I saying Master wanted things to be perfect. Did he say he wanted things to be perfect? No, in fact he has told me many times things don't need to be perfect just as long as I am serving and working to the best of my ability. To do things the best I can but not perfectly.
Next did Master tell me to punish myself when I did not get things perfect? Would he be happy with me beating up on myself? No to both questions. He would not want me to punish myself. If he feels there is something I need to be punished for he will do it. And I know he would not be happy I was beating up on myself as a form of punishment. He does not need me to be perfect. He does not need things in his home to be perfect. And so setting the standard of perfect is not his wish but mine. It is me who is putting the pressure on myself not him.
So why am I putting so much pressure on myself? How is it serving Master to the best of my ability if I am trying to do things that he does not want or need? In actuality I am basically saying, "Oh no Master you need it this way" and I am trying to control the situation and I am trying to be in charge.
So when I had that ah-ha moment and the light bulb went on, the relief drained from me also. Relief of the pressure to perform perfectly. I got so tangled up in things needing to be perfect - having to clean and organize just right that I forgot that my job is to serve and obey and it is his job to decide how I do that.
Soon the holidays will be upon us and there will be many extra things to do and so that need to be perfect and do it "all" will also start to surface. I am sure this is common for many slaves to think we need to do it all and be perfect for our Owners. We want to badly to be perfect for our Owners that we put an extraordinary amount of pressure on ourselves, forgetting that it is not part of our dynamic.
So instead of putting pressure on ourselves how about remembering that by realizing we don't need to be perfect we can become more mindful in the moment of our service. Letting go of pressure to perform perfectly makes our attitude better, our energy levels up, our stress level down, and our service better. And all of that is what comes from doing what we should have been all along serving to the best of our ability the way our Owner's want and need.
© within Reality: danae 2005 - all rights reserved
I had been telling myself I needed things to be perfect because that is what Master relies on me to do. Punishing myself for my not making it to the standards I have set is part of taking care of Master's property for him. Demanding that things needed to be perfect because that is what he wants and needs.
So let me read those above sentences again. Why was I saying Master wanted things to be perfect. Did he say he wanted things to be perfect? No, in fact he has told me many times things don't need to be perfect just as long as I am serving and working to the best of my ability. To do things the best I can but not perfectly.
Next did Master tell me to punish myself when I did not get things perfect? Would he be happy with me beating up on myself? No to both questions. He would not want me to punish myself. If he feels there is something I need to be punished for he will do it. And I know he would not be happy I was beating up on myself as a form of punishment. He does not need me to be perfect. He does not need things in his home to be perfect. And so setting the standard of perfect is not his wish but mine. It is me who is putting the pressure on myself not him.
So why am I putting so much pressure on myself? How is it serving Master to the best of my ability if I am trying to do things that he does not want or need? In actuality I am basically saying, "Oh no Master you need it this way" and I am trying to control the situation and I am trying to be in charge.
So when I had that ah-ha moment and the light bulb went on, the relief drained from me also. Relief of the pressure to perform perfectly. I got so tangled up in things needing to be perfect - having to clean and organize just right that I forgot that my job is to serve and obey and it is his job to decide how I do that.
Soon the holidays will be upon us and there will be many extra things to do and so that need to be perfect and do it "all" will also start to surface. I am sure this is common for many slaves to think we need to do it all and be perfect for our Owners. We want to badly to be perfect for our Owners that we put an extraordinary amount of pressure on ourselves, forgetting that it is not part of our dynamic.
So instead of putting pressure on ourselves how about remembering that by realizing we don't need to be perfect we can become more mindful in the moment of our service. Letting go of pressure to perform perfectly makes our attitude better, our energy levels up, our stress level down, and our service better. And all of that is what comes from doing what we should have been all along serving to the best of our ability the way our Owner's want and need.
© within Reality: danae 2005 - all rights reserved
