Who's Who

Updated March 22, 2007

This is a list of who's who in my journal. It tells a bit about some people I mention now or in my past.

Many of these people have impacted my life. Some more then others...some have left their mark on me forever. I am the person I am because of my experiences and part of the experiences I have in my life.....are from the people involved in my life. Beware mushy stuff about close lovers and friends.

It has been a pretty good life

He is the man that has given me my dreams. He is the one I share all the little everyday things. I laugh when I am happy and cry when I am sad with him. He is the one that loves and accepts me. All I have to do is be still and quiet, and the first thoughts to make their way unto my mind are thoughts of Him and the first breath of quietness is all of Him. I love Him in ways I have not loved anyone...that love that has faith and trust wound into it so tightly that you just know everything will be alright even in the bad time. He is compassionate, intelligent, strong, sadistic, loving, and so much more. We are able to just be with each. It is like being at home. You search all your life and come to where you were from because it is home...He is home. And now we are on a journey of life together...growing with each other. The mornings we wake and each day is a new day in our journey. To quote Master...."The Journey is filled with mountains and valleys. Sometimes it elevates us, sometimes we fall down. Embrace it, Cherish it, Respect it, Believe in it." We do embrace it, cherish it, respect it and believe in it and each other...and now have made "our Journey of two people on ONE path" together.

She was a great, intense, deep love of my life. She and I were involved when I was 18/19. I met her when I went away to college. We connected on this level that I have never really experienced quite the same since. Her and I clicked together like perfect pieces of a puzzle. Time was lost in her....because we were in our own world. If I would have just let go and not cared about what others thought...it would have been so incredibly easy with her. Because with her things were quiet and still because all my heart, soul and mind were full of her. She was spontaneous and exciting. She acted from her heart more then from her mind....just like me. And even though we had pain, tears and regret....I love her because it was right. I could write a book just on her. She died while I was involved with her -- when I was 19. And I will always love her.

They are family. Nuala is mostly known as girlie in my journal. I love them and they love and accept me. They are a remarkable couple. They are kind, unselfish, generous, open friends. They are closer then friends and they are like family. The first time I visited them it was to see how it would work as a poly triad in May 2000. They were just starting to explore poly and so it was a learning experience for all of us. The next time I visited them...I knew they were my family even though we were not a triad. I am very grateful for all they do for me. I love them very much.

She is one of my best friends. She is married to a man named Michael (who when I mention him I always mention her name too as there are several Michael's in this journal). She was the co-founder of Carpe Diem, an Akron, Ohio BDSM group that ended in July of 2005. She and I have been good friends since 1999 when she came up to introduce herself to me after I gave a speech at Ohio SMART on living as a 24/7 slave. I saw in her eyes then that we would understand each other sometimes without even speaking words. She is a submissive who likes to top. I have seen her grow as person in the time I have known her and I really am very proud of all the work she does to keep moving forward – growing and learning more about herself. She is non-judgmental and loves easily (just like me). She feels the pain and the joys of her friends. She has been there for me a lot when I needed her love, strength, and support. I appreciate all she has done for me. I am very lucky to have her as my friend...more then I can express.

I love her very much. She is beautiful. She is sometimes known as Honeyrose in the journal also. I know that we will always a part of each other lives. I had a rough time in 2001 and I did not even have to reach out in need - she was just there. She has always been there. The label that I put on her now is a friend, but more then a friend. She is in this space between being my lover and my friend. Her and I were lovers - girlfriends at one time. She had to move out of the US for her job, but now is back in the US. I went to see her in March and April 2001 when she was still in Germany. She has a son that I mention a few time in the journal....calling him angelboy.

She is someone I love deeply. Jackie has been known as j in my archives. Jackie does things to me that I have not felt since Morgan. I feel loved and safe when I look in her eyes. I feel accepted and cared for and I feel the same about her. When I am around her I want to take care of her and love her. She brings the slut out in me. She brings the little girl (only woman I know who has done that to me) and submissive out in me also. She makes me want to submit because I love her and don't want to displease her. Circumstances have always made it hard for us to be involved with each other to the degree we would like, but we will always love each other.

At the beginning of my journal I call her Jackie. I sometimes call her Princess too. I met Lauren through Kam. She was his "little girl". She visited and lived with Kam and I for a bit also. After she left, it was hard to let things move forward with us. We were all hurt and the situation was not a healthy one for anyone involved. But I am very thankful that she and I came back to being friends. She is a vibrant, talented, caring young woman. I know that whatever she does she will be incredible at because she has such a giving heart. I will always love her and care about her. I am very thankful to have her in my life as my dear precious friend for always.

She is a female Dominant that I met while in Kansas. She has helped me heal from some very hard times. She is compassionate, intelligent, strong, and kind as well as a mean, evil, greedy, sadistic bitch. She has a very strong spiritual side and has helped me come to terms with some of my spiritual beliefs. DM was there for me several times when I needed guiding and help when things were pretty jumbled and painful for me. She always seemed to know what I was thinking, even when I was having trouble explaining it or getting it out. She has incredible way of expressing herself – she can take a hard topics or issue and say it with just the *right* words. I will ramble and vent then afterwards she can sum up the heart of the issue in one line that is very meaningful, but so clear and concise. I respect her very much and appreciate that she is in my life. I love her and hope that we will always be friends.

They are friends who really came through for me when I needed them in Ohio. I lived with them for a while when I needed a place to stay. They were incredible friends to let me in to their home and treat me like family. I am grateful to have such good friends in my life. Bill is just an all around great guy. He is funny, kind and sadistic. I enjoyed our talks and his clear concise insights to my chaotic life (at that time). Lisa is a real life Angel. I like her insight also....plus her intelligence and compassion. She has been a great friend and is such a sweetie! I really enjoy watching their relationship - they have great level of intimacy and trust.

Jim and Shannon are friends I met while in Ohio. I mention Jim in my journal several times. Oh I hope I don't offend Jim, but I am sure he already knows this...he is very much like a father figure to me. He is that authoritative, straight talking male figure that tells me what he sees. Shannon is beautiful...inside and out. She has always been kind, but also straight with me. I have lots of fond memories of them being at parties I had in Cleveland. I have fond memories of trash talking with them which makes me smile when I think about it. I have fond memories of them being at a birthday party that Lauren threw for me. They gave me a Chagall book that I have out. Every time I look at it I think of them. They are like the paintings in the book....bright, strong, intelligent, kind, and true to heart. They are wonderful couple who I admire and am grateful that I can count as friends.

Katrina is one of my friends from Ohio. She is just a joy to be around. Her thoughts, her kindness are so refreshing. She has been there for me...to let me cry and she gave me her compassionate perspective. She is accepting and open minded. I appreciate all she has done for me! My wish for her is that she allows herself to open up and trust so that she can have her dreams come true.

He is a friend from online. I am not sure why, but beast comes to mind when I think of him. Probably because he is a beast...a good kind of beast. He and I have known each other hmmm I would say since late 1990's but I can't remember exactly when it was that we met. He and I are a hard combination to figure out. We had this kind of ebb and flow with each other that is natural and comfortable. When we first knew each other he was single and now he is happily married. I am glad that he found such a wonderful woman to share his life with. He has helped me out a lot. He has been a person I can get mad with/at and he still cares for me. He is fun and good to me. And I am sure I don't give him as much back as he gives. I have learned a lot about this wonderful man. He is caring, perverted, loving, smart, funny and so much more. I am happy to have him as a friend!

I have been wondering if he and the names below his should be in a different category, but they don't seem to fit into one specific place. There is also another Jim mentioned above - these are different men. In my journal it is usually obvious when I talk about each of them. This Jim is my ex husband. Jim is smart, funny, creative/artistic, athletic and one of those people that as soon as they touch something they are pretty good at it. But he was unsure of so much...unsure of himself, his work, his life, his family, and our marriage. We met when I was 18. We dated for 6 years and were married for 7 years. No children. We did have a dog...who was our baby. I love Jim. I am sorry how things ended. We just basically are not together because we wanted different things from life. I miss him at times, but also remember why I left. He was remarried June of 2002. Also I mention my ex-in-laws in my journal as I am still friends with them. They are wonderful people who Master had the chance to meet in September 2003. And they adore Master and are happy I found someone so good.

I am not sure what to say about him. I lived with him for 4 years. He and I did a lot of changing and growing in the 4 years. He was my Master for 2 years from 1998 to 2000. We were in a Daddy/little girl relationship also. In this journal I refer to him as Kam now, but in the past he has been known as Daddy. We lived with each up until August 2002. It was time for us to grow in different directions. We were harming each other...by being together.

He is someone I was involved with when I was 18. He was cruel and sadistic. I am lucky I am alive. I was owned by him but I did not even know there was a name for what we were doing. I look back at that time very differently then I did 7 years ago. I have turned a negative into a positive. I see many things he did as his right to do even though I am not quite sure he knew what he was doing or thought about the consequences. But I do see he showed that I am submissive. I view him as my first owner.

I refer to him in my journal mostly as Nick, but sometimes as Sir and sometimes Sir Nick (2001-2003). He is someone I did not met real life, but wish we could have met. He is intelligent, strong, and funny. He was someone I was interested in, but it did not come about. I consider him a friend still. He helped me during a difficult time in my life. I appreciate all that he has done for me and hope we will continue to be friends for a long time to come. He is kind and compassionate as well as evil and sadistic. I did not seem to scare him when I am neurotic or overly emotional. He seemed to want to understand me.....which is very important. Nick had a few of those 3am in the morning calls when I was really needing a good friend to listen. And he was always there being supportive and understanding threw all my tears.

He has been known as the Sadist in my journal also. He and I played once right after Todd and I broke up and then started playing again a little more a year after the first time. When I think of him, I think of being brought so low....almost near to death and then it is like a rebirth...because I shed layers of masks with him. Reading that I am sure makes people wonder about me. I have never regretted playing with him or regretted anything he has done to me. And as I said before....in my journal...it was something I wanted and so I got it. It was intense, hard and extreme and it what I needed at that time...and now I need more and have found that with Master. I am glad that he showed me I needed more...more then he could give at that time.

My first Dominant after I left my marriage. He taught me a lot about BDSM and D/s. It was a LDR though so very difficult. He was a very interesting man. He was caring and sadistic. He had a love of fine things...music, art, books, and antiques.

I think of Red for many reasons...one being she is a redhead. We were more then friends for a little bit, but it was right after being involved with Todd. And unfortunately I hurt her because of that. She was there for me several times when I really needed her and I am very grateful for that.

I met Linda when in Kansas at the same time I met DM. I then only met Monseigneur E the summer of 2003. July 2002 we discussed me coming to visit, but then that did not work out. Their views are very black and white and as everyone knows...I feel there is a lot of gray in this world. Linda has lots of qualities as a slave....that I admire.Monseigneur E is strong in his beliefs. There are lots of things I could say about both of them. But the bottom line is they are who they are and I am who I am and we were not very compatible in reality. And thankful it also did not work out as I met Master. But I do regret we are not as good of friends as we were before...it all happened.

I have changed what I have said about Todd a few times. Todd is someone I fell in love with in May 2001. He was not honest with himself, so he could not be honest with me. I believe he feared being himself. My time with him was a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts, full of illusions and some lessons. He was my everything for awhile...he isn't anymore. And I am SO grateful. I regret my relationship with him. Because it is the first time since Don that I got played. I learned a lot about myself and will never forget Todd, because of what happened in my life due to him. He was known as Aslan in my journal when I first met him.

I now refer to as "Sir." He is a Dominant that I was involved with from February to July 2001. We played together and helped me see that I wanted to be submissive still. He is someone that I cared about, but we had some issues and I broke it off. During the time of seeing him, I was poly and also seeing a few other people.

Yes, two M's in my journal, but he has not been mentioned since 2001...probably early 2001. So going to keep him here, but know if you read the archives he was listed early 2001. It is not the same M I am talking about in late 2002. This M was someone I knew though my work industry and saw every once in a while. We were friends and fuck buddies for a while, but then lost touch. He is cool and I had some fun with him.

I meet her on November 6th, 1998 when I lived in Cleveland. Di and I were friends. I thought we would always be friends...best friends. That came to an end February 2002 I asked her a question that changed my life and hers whether she realizes it or not. She betrayed me, but I guess I am lucky I finally asked that question or who knows how long it would have went on. I have let go of a lot of the anger. And life has moved on without her. I am still amazed a person could do that to another. You would think after all that I have had happen in my life I would get that people do bad things. And better yet they try to justify them. I know she has tried to do that. What I have finally learned through her and someone else in my life...that sometimes you have to cut off people who are bad for you. I had always been a person that thought never turn your back on someone. But there are some people who don't deserve my time, energy and compassion.

There are two Brian's mentioned here...both were firsts. One was the first real crush and first person I "went with." And the other was the first I fell in love with. I don't mention either all that much...maybe about 3 times. One Brian in my life was my first crush...a crush that went on from Junior High when we "went together" to after we graduated high school. He was there for me during a rough time. The other Brian was the first man I fell in love with....when I was 17. He had eyes that anyone would want to fall into....yummy. He was an artist, quiet and intense. When he touched me, I felt like the world melted away. Both Brian's - I think about looking up now to see how they are - what they are doing with their lives.

Someone from my old world in Kansas. I have made reference to him a few times in my journal. He is a pervert and nice guy! Seriously he is someone I care about deeply. He made me laugh, turned me on, had cry, open up, and feel again. If I would have gotten involved with him as more then friends, I would have fallen in love with him. I remember calling him to tell him that I was not able to deal with life anymore. He was very good to me and for me. He made me feel like a woman again without even touching me.....physically touching me.